The week of the holidays can feel emotionally loud.

Even when everything looks “fine” on the outside—decorations, plans, parties, family photos—your inner world might be carrying something heavier: grief.

And grief doesn’t only show up when someone has passed (though that loss can be especially tender this time of year). Holiday grief also includes:

missing people you can’t be with
losing relationships (breakups, divorce, friendship endings)
estrangement or complicated family dynamics
changes in identity (becoming a parent, becoming single, becoming a caregiver, moving, starting over)
the quiet grief of “this isn’t how I thought life would look by now”

If you’re feeling raw, numb, irritable, exhausted, or overstimulated—there may be nothing “wrong” with you. Your system is responding to a season that amplifies memory, meaning, expectation, and emotion all at once.

Why holiday grief hits differently

The holidays are designed to activate attachment and belonging—traditions, roles, togetherness, “home,” nostalgia.

So if there’s any kind of absence in your life, this season highlights it.

Grief can show up as:

tears that come out of nowhere
a tight throat or heavy chest
feeling disconnected in rooms full of people
guilt for not feeling “grateful enough”
anxiety about gatherings, conversations, or questions
comparing your life to everyone else’s “togetherness”

This isn’t weakness. It’s your nervous system and your heart trying to make sense of what’s missing—and what still matters.

The unseen pressure: “Be happy. Be festive. Be fine.”

One of the hardest parts of holiday grief is the expectation to perform joy.

People may mean well when they say:

“Try to focus on the positives.”

“They’d want you to be happy.”

“At least you have…”

“It’s the holidays—cheer up!”

But grief doesn’t respond to pressure. Grief responds to permission.

You are allowed to:

love the holidays and also dread them
laugh and still be grieving
participate and still feel tender
set boundaries and still be a good person
honor what you lost without “ruining the vibe”

Grief is not a problem to solve. It’s an experience to be witnessed.

An energetic lens: what grief can activate in your system

From an energetic perspective, holiday grief often impacts multiple layers at once:

Heart Chakra: sadness, longing, old wounds, the ache of missing someone

Throat Chakra: unspoken feelings, forced small talk, holding back tears, not being understood

Root Chakra: feeling less safe, less steady, less “held” (especially after loss)

Sacral Chakra: emotional waves, memory, intimacy wounds, loneliness

Aura (energy field): feeling more sensitive, more tired, less protected, more impacted by other people’s moods

That’s why grief can feel physical. It’s not “all in your head.”

Your whole system is adapting.

Practical permission: you don’t need to do the holidays “right”

If you’re grieving, consider this your gentle reminder:

You don’t have to recreate the old version of the holidays.

You can create a truer version.

That might look like:

leaving early (or not going at all)
choosing a smaller gathering
planning decompression time before/after events
skipping certain traditions this year
adding one tiny ritual that honors what you’ve lost
letting “good enough” be enough

Your capacity is valid. Your needs are real.

A Good Mindset Practice (for the next few days)

This is a simple way to support your mind, heart, and energy—without bypassing what you feel.

The “Two Truths + One Choice” Practice (2–4 minutes)

Step 1: Name two truths (no fixing)

Say quietly (or write):

1) Something in me is grieving.

2) Something in me is still here.

Both are true. Grief and life can exist in the same body.

Step 2: Validate the honest feeling

Ask: What’s the most honest feeling right now?

Examples: sad, numb, resentful, tender, lonely, overwhelmed, grateful-but-heavy.

Then say:

“I’m allowed to feel this.”

Step 3: Choose one supportive action for today (small)

Not a life overhaul—just one choice.

Examples:

I’m going to eat, drink water, or focus on an action that is grounding.
I’m going to step outside for 3 minutes of air.
I’m going to say “no” to one thing.
I’m going to light a candle and say their name.
I’m going to let it be imperfect.

Close with:

“Today, I can hold what’s real—gently.”

This is a mindset shift that doesn’t demand happiness. It creates steadiness.

A light note (that still tells the truth)

If the holidays are hard for you, it doesn’t mean you’re broken.

It means you loved. It means you hoped. It means you’re human.

Sometimes peace doesn’t look like joy. Sometimes peace looks like:

one honest breath
one calm boundary
one moment of softness in your shoulders
one “no” that protects your heart
one “yes” that brings you back to yourself

And if all you do this week is make it through with tenderness—there is deep strength in that.

Seasonal Support (Open through Christmas Eve)

If you’d like gentle, supportive space to regulate your system and feel more held during this week, I’m offering Reiki sessions through Christmas Eve. I will take my last appointment at 2PM.

These sessions are supportive for:

grief and emotional heaviness
nervous system overwhelm
feeling spiritually disconnected
energetic sensitivity around family or crowds
needing grounding, clarity, and a return to center

Book your session here → 11elevenhealing.com

Or reach out directly: info@11elevenhealing.com or 201-774-6551. If you don’t see an available time, please text me. I will accommodate the best I can.

Remember, you don’t have to carry this week alone. Spirit is with you and you are never alone.

When the Holidays Hurt: Holding Space for Holiday Grief (Without Forcing Cheer)